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When Should Couples Start Therapy?
The best time for couples therapy is when the same fight keeps returning and repair takes longer each time. Research associated with the Gottman Institute suggests couples wait an average of six years after problems begin — by which point patterns have hardened. Earlier is easier.
By Nidhi Nahata, RCI-Licensed Clinical Psychologist · 2026-07-27
Signs it is time
- One argument on repeat — different topics, same choreography.
- Distance: parallel lives, functional conversations, less touch.
- A resentment ledger both partners privately keep.
- Trust damaged — betrayal, secrecy, financial dishonesty.
- A major transition straining the bond: marriage, a baby, relocation, in-laws, loss.
- Separation has entered your private thoughts — or your searches.
Why do couples wait too long?
Each hopes the other will change first; both fear what therapy might surface; and the cycle itself — pursue, withdraw, repeat — feels like personality instead of pattern (attachment styles explain the choreography). Waiting does not neutralise the cycle; it rehearses it.
What does couples therapy actually do?
It treats the cycle, not a guilty party. Drawing on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and psychodynamic understanding, online couples therapy slows the fight down, surfaces the needs underneath the reactions, and rebuilds safety and closeness deliberately.
What if your partner refuses to come?
Start alone. One partner changing their side of the dance reliably changes the dance — that is the ground covered in individual therapy for relationship difficulties. Partners also frequently join once therapy stops being hypothetical.
Common questions
Is couples therapy only for marriages in crisis?
No. Couples come to strengthen communication, navigate transitions, or invest in the relationship early — crisis work is only one use of it.
Does couples therapy work online?
Yes. Many couples find online sessions easier to attend together and just as effective — often more honest, from the comfort of their own space.
Explore this in therapy
Online, depth-oriented sessions across India, Tuesday to Sunday.
About the author
Nidhi Nahata is an RCI-licensed clinical psychologist with an M.Phil in Clinical Psychology and an Adult Psychoanalysis Fellowship at the Washington Baltimore Center for Psychoanalysis (2024–2025). She offers depth-oriented, psychodynamic therapy online across India. Read her full background or book a session.